This blog post was co-written by Nateya Taylor and Alayna Arrington as part of a collaboration between their two brands: Naesthetycs and The Colorful Philosophy. Be sure to follow @thecolorfulphilosophy on Instagram, subscribe to their podcast, and read their blog!
Not a day goes by where I am not amazed by Black women. Our accomplishments, resilience, and ability to overcome adversity is something I sometimes cannot wrap my head around. It amazes me how we go through so much and still come out on top, stepping on everyone's necks and snatching off everyone’s wigs with no remorse. Because of our ability to come out on top despite the odds, Black women are seen as strong, independent, and capable of doing all things. While this may be true (I mean we are magical), that’s not always the case. Who looks after our mental health and well being? Black women are the “strong” friend you need to check on. Black women will figure it out on their own, but would really appreciate some support. Personally, I don’t want to be the strong, independent, Black woman all the time. Some days I want to be the weak, vulnerable, and supported Black woman who expresses her feelings without being stereotyped as angry.
According to research, Black women are more likely to experience trauma and struggles with their mental health due to the treatment they endure from society. We’re also more likely to experience racial bias, gender bias, and violence. Now knowing that, tell me why Black women are also more likely to stand up for inequality or injustice in their communities? We still show up, even when others belittle us. Well, that ends today. Going forward Black women will not be available for the mental abuse we have historically endured just because that is what y’all are used to. I can only speak for myself, but I’m sure many of my sisters would agree when I say, “Fuck that, respectfully.” We’re healing and repairing the relationships we have with ourselves over anything or anyone else.
My Mental Health Matters
Although I’ve noticed some praise being given to Black women recently. “Some” is not enough. Black women deserve love and support that is consistent and thorough without us having to struggle for it first. Do Black women only show “some” love when we fight against inequality and injustice? Do Black women show a half assed effort in anything we do? No, because we wholeheartedly enjoy making the world a better place, so we do the hard work associated with making that happen.
We may make it look easy, but it’s not. In my own experience, I have always poured so much love and passion into fighting for others only to be left with little to no motivation to shine that same light in my own life. I don’t for one second regret the work I have done, however I know it would be less of an issue if I got the same support in return. What did Lauryn Hill say? It’s all about that reciprocity! And, it is!!
Just because we are able to handle all of our trauma and struggles so gracefully, that does not mean it is not impacting our mental health. I can’t speak for all Black women, but for me, being a Black woman can be tiring some days. Being one of the only Black women in white spaces for many times throughout my life has impacted my self esteem and confidence. Being belittled in predominantly white spaces made me have second thoughts on whether I could achieve the goals I set for myself. But as I became more aware of the white supremacist viewpoints that plague every institution, I realized that my goals were not set too high, but their standards were too low. Don’t be mad that Black women set the bar higher than you can reach! Thankfully the validation of white folks is something I no longer seek. I know my worth as a Black woman, but whether society recognizes it or not, that is not my problem. Show up for us or step aside.
Here are some ways you can show up better for Black women, even if it is just a small token of appreciation:
Allow Black Women to Speak Uninterrupted. Sometimes our “allies” make the moment about themselves. Instead of speaking over us trying to convey messages about our experiences, how about you allow us to share our own perspectives? Interrupting moments when Black women are trying to share their experiences can contribute to feelings of inadequacy.
Empathize with the Plight of ALL Black Women. Consider the ways you can support ALL Black women whether they are inside OR outside of your life. If Black women say they are going through something, listen and empathize with them. Believe us when we say we feel unsupported and hurt; do not gaslight us. Be more inquisitive as to why we feel that way and less defensive. Don’t just assume we’re strong and we’re doing alright. Ask us how we’re doing, really, and ask how you can better support us.
Thank a Black Woman. Where does most slang, culture, and fashion stem from in the United States? Take a wild guess. The next time you are inspired to recreate a look or adopt a phrase widely shared in the Black community, consider thanking the Black woman who inspired you. Although we are the most influential community to exist, somehow we are also the most underappreciated. Black women see their styles stolen, recreated, and appropriated in other cultures all of the time in the media. However, the praise given to these other communities raise a question of why society does not keep that same energy for Black women?
Support Our Endeavors. Support whatever a Black woman has going on - share their business, buy from their business, and support their educational goals. If you can’t support them directly, it never hurts to Cash App a Black woman today. If you want to bless my Cash App today or any day here it is: $NateyaTaylor
Struggling to Get the Proper Help
Black women are strong, independent, and magical, but that doesn’t mean we don’t need support or a shoulder to lean on from time to time. Black women should not have to prove that we are worthy, or in need of support. Not only do we lack support in social spaces, but we also do not have access to the proper professional resources that we need in order to cope with our experiences.
If you are looking to begin therapy, or even looking around for a new Black therapist. Visit https://providers.therapyforblackgirls.com/. This directory is a great resource for women looking for a therapist who looks like them! Therapy can be a difficult choice to make, however the choice may feel less troubling when you are scheduling with a practitioner who specializes in your experiences!
If therapy is not your thing, the least you can do is do something for you every day. With all the adversity that comes with being a Black woman, take time out to relax and release every day. Whether it’s journaling, meditating, taking yourself out on a date, reading, going for a walk, do it. You deserve it. Put your mental health first if no one else will.
Find your Tribe
Having a group of other Black woman friends you can lean on in times of need is helpful. It doesn't have to be a large group of friends either, just friends who are supportive and can empathize with you from one Black woman to another. Set up weekly hang outs, virtual or in person, with this group to check in with each other. If you haven’t found your tribe yet, no worries! Podcasts allow you to listen to advice, tips, and create a digital tribe for yourself. Here’s a list of my favorite podcasts to listen to that leave me laughing and taking notes for my own journey all in one!
Therapy for Black Girls Podcast
“The Therapy for Black Girls Podcast is a weekly conversation with Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed Psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, about all things mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves.” https://therapyforblackgirls.com/category/podcast/
The Black Girl Bravado
“Hosted by best friends, Germani Manning and Brittany Lackey. The Black Girl Bravado podcast seeks to build community amongst women of color through the expressions of laughter and love, relevant content, and knowledgeable, well informed guests.” https://www.theblackgirlbravado.com/podcasts
The Secret Lives of Black Women
“Join close friends Charla Lauriston and Lauren Domino on their hunt for the ‘secrets’ that have helped black women flourish through the bullsh*t. They connect with guests over shared experiences by wading through everything from sex and self-care to rage and anxiety. Each conversation centers on creating a space for joy with some newfound besties while asking: how do the black women we admire stay incredibly phenomenal?” https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-secret-lives-of-black-women/id1471422562
Balanced Black Girl
“This platform was created to be a safe space for candid conversations about all things well-being. Here at Balanced Black Girl, we believe health is so much more than the physical — it is also mental, spiritual, and social — and we’re here to provide the resources you need to feel your best.” https://www.balancedblackgirl.com/category/podcast/
The Colorful Philosophy Podcast
“I am a Black woman in her 20s. Way too many other Black women can relate when I say, our transformation in our 20s is not talked about enough. Here on The Colorful Philosophy I will put together essential pieces about the everyday experiences of Black women while managing our own growth, mental health, social relationships, and everything else trending in the world!” https://anchor.fm/alayna-arrington-tcp https://open.spotify.com/show/7rXrYfZprTP2AFKXEP6GkR
Society is too comfortable with Black women leading movements with little to no assistance. I must admit we are phenomenal beings, however we are not superhumans. Our own struggles exist, so we do not have any extra space to carry the world’s problems on our shoulders too. Just as we have, incorporate your support for our community into your life without making us feel like a burden. Stop waiting for a Black woman to speak up on social issues, organize initiatives, or always swoop in to save the world. We do not exist only to serve others, especially when our own wellbeing matters just as much. Our mental health is wealth, and society should treat it as such. We are not your strong Black women.